The Meekrat Entertainment Group

Last night I Live-Blogged (or is it tweeted? I think it’s Tweeted?) a movie! Here’s a transcript, reorganized so that you can actually read it, but otherwise uncut and unedited. I did put some brackets in there, for clarity’s sake:

• Currently watching “The Incredible Petrified World” with John Carradine. It is an hour long and has about fifty people in it.
• It opens with a shark/octopus fight, which is about the most amazing thing I’ve seen in a fortnight. It’s wonderful.
• The shark won (spoiler alert?) and now I fear that the film won’t be able to top itself.
• They’re talking about a Phantom Layer that’s composed entirely of squid, a theory supported by the fact that squid are so abundant. SCIENCE!
• They’re spent the first several minutes talking about fish, accompanied by fish filmed in an aquarium.
• Outside the glass, mind you. You can see people’s reflections in certain shots.
• They name-dropped the coelacanth. This pleases me.
• And the frill shark, which I went from knowing nothing about to fearing in about thirty seconds. It’s like a shark-headed eel.
• All the fish stuff was being shown to a group of people at some guy’s house. How meta!
• They’re talking about how diving bells (which have been around since forever) are nonsense. Silly fifties socialites.
• We cut to a boat in the Caribbean, and I realize I have no idea what John Carradine looks like.
• Oh my god, just saw a millipede. Have to pause the movie and try to kill it. I hate millipedes so much.
• It got away. Time for more movie.
• People are going down in a diving bell now. One is a lady photographer with a romantic sub-plot. Will it be resolved?!
• The diving bell is not bell-shaped. Isn’t that the whole point of it?
• The cable it was on snapped and the “diving bell” plummeted into the inky depths. This is probably it was shaped like a sphere.
• I’m saying that the fact that it was a diving bell shaped like a sphere displeased Poseidon and he visited his wrath upon it.
• They’re talking about the weaknesses of the “bell”. I have one: IT WAS A SPHERE.
• It’s more of a bathysphere. In fact, I think it IS a bathysphere.
• The bathysphere and all its occupants survived! It just fell into that aquarium from the beginning of the movie, is all!
• Reporter girl is freaking out! Logically, someone smacks her. That’s how they did it in the fifties.
• They’re going to scuba from the bathysphere to the surface because they’re pretty sure they didn’t go down that far. Shenanigans will ensue.
• They’re exiting the bathysphere, but the inside didn’t flood. I’m not sure how that works.
• The people on the surface are pretty sure the divers got crushed right when they left the bathysphere. Hooray for optimism!
• The divers just entered the Petrified World. I hope there’s dinosaurs!
• The two guys are going back to the bell to get clothes for wandering around the Petrified World. The stupid thing still hasn’t flooded.
• One guy says that they should work fast since the oxygen’s nearly gone and goes on to sharpen two sticks to use as spears. Good use of time!
• Now they’re swimming around and trying to spear fish. At least someone on the surface realizes they’re alive down there.
• The two guys on the boat are still sure that the divers are dead and refuse to listen to the “They’re alive down there!” guy. Optimism!
• One of the divers suggest eating planktonic shrimp, which is probably a terrible idea.
• Also says they’ll find fish in underground pools. They’ll also find a being who chants “my precious” and likes riddles, probably.
• The divers are wandering around the Petrified World. I like the music.
• OH MY GOD SCARY LIZARD!
• They found a pool. No Gollum or fish are present, apparently, and the lizard just stayed where he was.
• The reporter woman (Laurie) [Actually Laurie] is reading a letter from a man named Tom. I can’t read it due to the video quality.
• She crumpled it up and is now being angry at the other diver woman (Dale) [Actually Laurie] and is being really mean to her. Laurie’s a B. [Dale is actually the B]
• Also, she says they don’t need to be friends or anything since there’s two men around. I don’t like Laurie. [Dale was the one I disliked]
• They’re wandering some more, and they’re eating some shrimp. Laurie hates seafood, apparently. [Dale hates seafood]
• They found a bleached-dry skeleton. One guy is being optimistic, Laurie won’t have any of that. [Dale hates optimism]
• OH MY GOD SCARY CAVEMAN!
• Scary Caveman speaks English, of course. The two guys are named Paul and Craig.
• Scary Caveman has been in the caves for fourteen years. He says there’s no way out, and he got there through the ocean somehow. OPTIMISM!
• Scary Caveman is taking them to his home and telling them need to rest. It’s sort of creepy.
• There’s a volcano down there. Someone’s going to die in it, I just know it.
• The two guys go with Scary Caveman to see the volcano. The two girls stay behind.
• It’s spouting air by the tons, so it’s an air volcano, apparently. It’s good that it’s not one of those that spouts sulphur and whatnot.
• One of the guys professes his love for Laurie because the air volcano isn’t a good sign, I guess. They do romance stuff and are all happy.
• Scary Caveman watches them with evil glee in his eyes. Creepy, creepy caveman.
• On the surface, people drive in cars, listen to the radio, fly in planes, and walk around.
• The scientist from the boat is at a meeting with another scientist, who has another diving bell. It’s also a bathysphere.
• Men are now doing science to finish the second bathysphere!
• Doing science and drinking coffee!
• The bathysphere is complete and now they’re on the boat again with the intent to send it under.
• Underground, Scary Caveman watches Laurie gather water. Dale is still being a B, especially about Laurie’s attraction to Craig.
• Yeah, Dale keeps complaining about Craig and being dominated. Scary Caveman watches her and Laurie argue.
• The non-scary men-folk are off getting stuff from the diving bell. Shenanigans are going to ensue, I bet! Depressing ones.
• Oh.The new bathysphere has found Paul and Craig and now they’ve been picked up. Hooray!
• One of the guys ran out of air, but they have coffee in the bathysphere, so everything’s all right. Coffee cures lack of air, apparently.
• This bathysphere also did not flood.
• Scary Caveman is making his move! He wants to help Dale kill the others. Also, SC totally killed the guy who’s a skeleton now.
• Dale is ambivalent, so SC says he’ll kill her. She starts screaming, Laurie hears, and then the air volcano starts rumbling. POSEIDON!
• Laurie saves Dale and Scary Caveman is crushed to death. Then the two girls run like the Dickens, but everything is falling apart now.
• Craig comes back and saves the two girls while the Petrified World crumbles.
• Everyone’s safe on the bathysphere and Dale has realized what a jerk she’s always been. Happy endings for all!
• Uh… someone just called Dale Laurie. Either that, or I messed up. I will go back and check when the movie is over.
• No, I had it right. They just messed up in that last scene, I guess.
• All in all, a pretty good movie for something that was only ever shown in a theater once. The Petrified World looked pretty neat.

And there you have it. I may do it again sometime, especially if someone mentions they liked reading it. I never did figure out who John Carradine was, there were no dinosaurs, and the volcano only indirectly killed someone. Still, though, I thought it was a pretty good movie. I have forty-nine more to watch. It should be a fun time! Also, if you’d like to be notified of the next time I plan to Tweet (hate that word) a movie, then join up with the MEG Fan Page on Facebook! You can also just follow me outright on Twitter, where there’s occasionally fun times!